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I was recently voted best standup comedian in Chicago by the readers of The Chicago Reader (very confusing award to type out).
I’d like to thank my fans for 1) being more organized than me (I didn’t even know about the poll) and 2) (more importantly) enjoying my comedy.
…And, hopefully I will see you at my one man show in August: “Never Been To Paris” (starts the 20th, at the Lincoln Lodge). | ||
posted in
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06/28/2010 09:52 pm |
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Another Just For Laughs Show that I’ll be a (minor) part of:
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“For one night only, the never-produced Super Fans movie will come to life as performers from the legendary SNL sketch and Mike Ditka reunite for a live reading of the 1995 script written by Bob Odenkirk and Robert Smigel. The epic script, both a freewheeling examination of the Chicago sports fanatics and an absurd satire of big money’s influence on sports, will highlight the charity event for Have Dreams: Helping Autistic Voices Emerge and the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund, along with several Super Fan sketches and a Q&A with Da Coach himself. Odenkirk and Smigel will be joined by original Super Fans George Wendt and Joe Mantegna, along with several surprise guests.” |
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The Visitors Locker Room, namely CJ Sullivan and myself, will be contributing writers (along with VLR regular guest Prescott Tolk!) for some of the sketches before / after the script reading. …I’m very excited to have Mike Ditka leap frog my great uncle as the most successful person to ever repeat one of my jokes (my great uncle won $10,000 grand in a settlement against a grocery store that didn’t have its frozen food aisle properly maintained… …that made him, up until next Friday, the most successful man I know). |
posted in
Blog
06/11/2010 09:26 am |
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My one man show, “Never Been to Paris”, will debut at the Lincoln Lodge on Friday August 20th. The show runs on Fridays (9 PM) through the weekend of Sept 12th. It’s $10. The show mixes stories –which are mostly about me nearly killing myself on accident– with multimedia- photos from the stories, animation, audio, and more. If you like my stand up, I think you will very likely enjoy this show. I’ll publish more detailed info on the show, along with links for buying tickets online, later (this is kind of, a ’save the date’ I suppose). |
Also… speaking of my one man show-
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| I’ll be performing a short selection (15-20 mins) from “Never Been To Paris” next Tuesday at the TBS Just For Laughs Festival.
Chicago Underground Comedy presents:
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And… staying on the festival- | |
| I’m also performing in “Memoirs of a Man Child” during Just For Laughs: Thomas Middleditch and Jordan Vogt-Roberts share their short films with the help of hilarious stand-up special guests.
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Other shows coming up:
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* Comedy Comedy, Auro IL (this Friday 6/11 and Saturday 6/12)
* Zanies Vernon Hills (this Thursday 6/10 with TJ Miller) * Red Bar Comedy Club (Friday 6/25 and Saturday 6/26) | |
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posted in
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06/08/2010 11:05 pm |
 | Former actor Peter Weller now teaches Roman History at Syracuse University and hosts the History Channel’s “Engineering the Roman Empire”. |
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Most Common Questions from Professor Peter Weller’s Roman History 101 class:
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posted in
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05/19/2010 08:19 pm |
The other day, I meant to tell Jessica that I won a coupon for a dozen free doughnuts in a way that Colin, our two year old, would not understand (since, if he heard the word –which he recognizes– he would insist on doughnuts). I tried to spell it aloud, as my parents did in such situations, but misspelled “doughnuts” so badly, Jessica had no idea what I was talking about:
“I have a coupon for a dozen free D-O-N… O?.. T.. …hmm… …hold on…” Eventually, I spelled “C…A…K…E” and cupped my hands into a circle, as though I was describing doughnuts to a foreigner, who had never seen them before and speaks no English. Jessica was so baffled that, when she finally did figure out what I was talking about, she blurted out “Doughnuts!!”, as though it were the answer to a Jeopardy question. “Doughnuts?!”, Colin responded with enthusiasm. Colin repeated “doughnuts” for ten straight minutes, walking throughout the apartment to find them. We eventually went to the store, to redeem the coupon.
I blame the century, not the man. |
posted in
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04/30/2010 09:13 am |
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Camping, as a 30 year old man, with buddies Frank: “watch out, there’s some poison ivy back there” Me: “I’m immune to it, it doesn’t matter.” Frank: “Really?” Me: “Yeah, I found out after I was the only person in my boyscout troop to not catch it after a hike. I can touch it as much as I want and not get a rash.” John: “You know, you can lose the immunity.” Me: “What?” John: “Yeah, I heard it comes and goes at random times. You may not be immune anymore” Me: “Only one way to find out.” I disrobe to only my underwear and roll around in the patch of poison ivy I roll for minutes- to the distant eye, it looks like I was training everyone on what to do if they catch fire. I stop rolling and stand up. John: “You know- you could have just touched it, with your pinky.” That never occurred to me. ▢▢ I once helped a friend move into his first house. We entered it, carrying his couch, reasoning that we should start immediately on the hardest task. It became stuck half way up the staircase. It took hours to unwedge it. We sawed inches off its legs. At one point we seriously considered lighting it on fire, to weaken it enough to break it and at least free the staircase. It was evening when we finally pushed it to the second floor and into his living room.
Upon entering the living room, we realized: the house was built on a hill- the second floor opened straight into the backyard and, had we simply walked around the house, we could have entered through the sliding door, carrying the couch like it was nothing more than a tray of summer tea.
We saw the huge, easy-to-access door together. It was like seeing the Grand Canyon, or a great work of art- we were both silent –almost dumbstruck– and yet we knew exactly what the other person was thinking; the exact words that were going through his mind: “Jesus, this is why other people plan shit”.
▢▢ I felt that same sensation –the same experience of everyone reading your thoughts; of everyone realizing, immediately, there was a much easier way to do some thing– when I emerged from the poison ivy and heard, “you could have just touched it”. Fuck. It hit me: “maybe I don’t have this immunity anymore”… and, rather than learn this lesson like a normal person (in a small, controlled fashion), I just guaranteed myself two weeks of unimaginable pain. ▢▢ I am still immune. Not a single dot –not a single scratch– developed on my body. My friends and I then drank like I beat a cancer sentence, on that camping trip. It was an uproarious good time… Come to think of it- Tom and I finished a bottle of whiskey, after that move, and ended-up at a hilarious Caribbean themed bar in the middle of Ohio. We drank like we defeated that couch, rather than just moved it. It was great time. Had we just gone around back (with the couch), we probably would have finished six hours earlier; shaken hands and called it a day. It would have been like any other afternoon. Which is why –to this day– I proudly, never think. The stories are better. “Life is too short to think“, that’s what I tell people my motto is. It usually ends job interviews, at once, but for most things you want to get done on a weekend- it makes for a good time. |
posted in
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04/27/2010 08:47 am |
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I’ve always felt that Mob documentaries are the funniest shows on TV, mostly from the (hilarious) ‘code’ they speak in, when talking over phones that might be bugged. I suppose it’s a bit like ‘hit signs’ in baseball, where the goal is to muddle your message, but –at the same time– it’s not like you have high level cryptographers working for you, so it can only be so complicated, given the abilities of your employees.
Today’s Sun Times has a great example of these hilarious, easy-to-crack codes, in an update on the Frank Calabrese, Family Secrets Mob trial. According to FBI wire taps, Calabrese hid so many real estate assists in his mother’s name that she (his mom) started to become annoyed at all the paperwork. In a secretly recorded call, Calabrese’s wife then warns him, in code, that his mother is refusing to sign anything until she gets copies of the documents:
(the entire article is pretty funny…. …Frank Calabrese’s attorney, for example, is Joseph “The Shark” Lopez- that detail alone –having a defense attorney who goes by Joey “The Shark”– makes it worth the read)
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posted in
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04/07/2010 12:24 pm |
| All new episodes of the Visitors Locker Room, my sports comedy podcast with CJ Sullivan, can
now be downloaded (for free) via iTunes:
in short –for regular listeners (who always complain about this)– the iTunes feed is finaly working |
posted in
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04/04/2010 05:37 pm |
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I was recently interviewed by Timeout Chicago for an article on the
Just for Laughs comedy festival:
“Die Meisterzingers: The city’s comics gather for a high-stakes audition” (by Jason A. Heideman). |
posted in
Blog
04/04/2010 03:02 pm |
 | I’m excited to announce that the first comedy album by The Visitors Locker Room has been released. “Sports Combat Comedy” is now
available for purchase on both iTunes and Amazon .
If you are a fan of the show, please consider purchasing the album (or a track or two), as it helps us immensely in terms of traffic. More importantly- please submit a review of the album and share the link / album with friends. And, don’t let the title scare you away if you’re not a fan of sports: as with everything my friends and I discuss, it continually bleeds into drinking stories. We hope you enjoy the it. |
Full Links (for sharing):
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/sports-combat-comedy/id356544284
http://www.amazon.com/Sports-Combat-Comedy/dp/B0038W5VYC/
posted in
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03/25/2010 10:14 pm |
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