Martha Stewart Looks Great

Martha Stewart was released from prison this week, generating a level of interest great enough to reach the cover of Newsweek. Stewart’s promising recovery was reported in a broad article, entitled “ Martha’s Last Laugh: After Prison, She’s Thinner, Wealthier & Ready for Prime Time

I’m sure feminists will enjoy seeing that one of the most successful business women in the world has been released from prison and all Newsweek can talk about is that she’s less fat. Ladies: are you frustrated with the South Beach diet? Well, steal a car, for Christ’s sake, if you want to get serious about weight loss. Sure, a prison sentence will erase your savings, most career opportunities and even emotional availability, but you’ll have the ‘last laugh’ when you can fit into a sun dress and buy pants from the kids department.Newsweek is nearly amazed that people don’t volunteer for prison, arguing, “Prison, it turns out, has been Martha’s best career move since she broke out of Westport, Connecticut, 23 years ago” . Her “best career move”?? She isn’t a rapper, Newsweek- she’s a fucking CEO. You don’t phone-in corporate strategies from the other side of a glass and chicken-wire cage, like its the chorus to the next Wu Tang album; and, unless your a mob hit man, you certainly don’t get more job opportunities after being ‘locked down’.

Lastly, women should be particularly heartened by the order in which Newsweek reported Stewart’s improvements, noting she is –first– thinner, then wealthier, and, finally, ‘ready for prime time’. In other words, ‘weight, money and, if time permits, confidence’, which may have been the original slogan for the Daughters of the American Revolution, as I recall. Hence, no one should feel particularly bad for freshly-terminated, Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina (previously listed by Fortune Magazine as the most powerful women in business) since she now has even more time to learn about makeup: