Mud-slinging at American Idol

A former contestant on “American Idol”, Corey Clark, has released a book, claiming, among other things, an affair with celebrity judge Paul Abdul.

America officially “jumped the shark” as a democracy some time this year, when the selection process for the next “American Idol” started to generate more concern, inspection and rage then our presidential election.

We have a president that sued his way into the first term, voting technology that wouldn’t be used at most bingo halls, and our largest state is governed by a time traveling robot who reached office by quoting Saturday Night Live episodes. Yet, we’re most occupied with the fear that “Corey” may not have been legitimately voted into the finals of a high school karaoke competition. You may have, in fact, heard a swift breeze when learning that the FCC is actually investigating Idol and Abdul since such an affair would violate federal guidelines on managing a game show- the draft you heard, was the sound of America running a knife into its stomach and ending its tenure as a legitimate government. When the relationship between a four-foot tall Laker Girl and some dude from Topeka, Kansas generated more furor then Congressional scandals, we officially gave up- like when your dad started wearing slippers to the grocery store. We had a good run and showed every country in the world how democracy should be implemented- but now we just want to relax, listen to teenagers sing Phil Collins and go buy ice cream without having to deal with shoe laces. After all, we live in a country with 180,000 websites (according to Google) devoted to “Mario” leaving American Idol, yet only 60,000 which mention our second-ever nominee for Homeland Security resigning. In other words, Americans are three times more interested in seeing a life guard from Kansas sing the Bee Gees, then the cabinet member in charge of protecting the entire country. It’s like pulling the airbags out of your car to make room for an IPOD- I love it!

LEGO, robots and kids

Atlanta hosted the inaugural competition for the FIRST LEGO LEAGUE, where teams of students from over 20 separate countries competed to design the best robot. Each robot was made of LEGO blocks and judged on its ability to perform simple, predefined tasks.

To our friends in Japan: was it necessary to send a bunch of Samurai Warriors to a LEGO contest? No wonder their cars last longer- we sent a bunch of spelling bee champs, who like to talk baseball and shoot pool. They sent trained assassins. How can you confidently reveal a robot that just sorts change when the guy across the table can kill you with a drinking straw? Come on coach, you never bring a coin-sorter to a karate fight: dress our boys up like gun-slinging cowboys and put some racing stripes on these robots- America doesn’t settle for less then Gold in LEGO Olympics.
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