Dukes of Hazard
|“The Dukes of Hazard” was America’s highest grossing movie last week, starring Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott as Bo and Luke Duke.|
“The Dukes of Hazard” was my favorite TV show as a kid, so I recently watched the DVD of the first television series to prepare for the movie. After watching that DVD, I will not see the new movie and might even hire a psychologist to some how block my fond memories of this show. There is nothing from my childhood that has aged worse then “The Dukes of Hazard”, and, yes, I’m including “Night Court”, Richard Marx and Communism. Forget that the car was named after a man who fought for slavery- the show was simply inane. Every episode contained five high speed chases within Hazard county- a completely impoverished town with no paved roads, yet, each time the Duke boys ran from the law, the world’s most expensive stain glass window was being unloaded. Roscoe Pee Coltrane some how crashed into two billion dollars worth of glass products while spending his entire career in a town with no traffic lights. Hazard County’s biggest employer is a bar called “The Boar’s Nest”, yet they replaced more bridges in that city then Pittsburgh and some how trucked America’s entire supply of hay through a vast system of windy, clay roads. I’m sorry, but, when every one in your town has a “CB handle”, I simply can’t believe that you’re successfully administrating more public-works projects then the Peace Corps.
“The Dukes of Hazard” does, however, contain a better flaw- like all adventure series in the 1980s, the producers of the show never even attempted to explain why some thing exploded. Bo and Luke Duke used a bow and arrow exclusively, yet that show had more explosions then Star Wars. Bo Duke could shoot an unoccupied corn silo with an arrow and it would spark eight back drafts and a mushroom cloud. Between that show, “The A-Team” and “Knight Rider”, I grew up thinking a rock could trigger an explosion in every thing from cars to draw bridges. I’d like to think it was the same producer responsible for each of those shows- some hotshot who yelled the same line over and over to the writing staff: “I don’t care if it’s football, if it leaves the hero’s hand, it causes an explosion- got it?!”
Weekends at the DL
|Comedian DL Hughley, one of the original members in Spike Lee’s “Kings of Comedy”, has a new talk show on Comedy Central, called “Weekends at the DL”. The show airs Friday and Saturday evenings at 11 PM, in the time slot normally occupied by the “Daily Show”.|
In a commercial for his new show, DL Hughley jokes about occupying the “Daily Show”‘s weekend time slot, saying “think of me as Jon Stewart… with an afro… and bad credit”, leading me to wonder: how much success does a black comic need before he stops doing jokes about bad credit? Hughley, you’re on fucking TV- you don’t have bad credit. No TV star has ever had to hear the cashier at Old Navy explain why they can’t approve him: “sorry Mr Hughley, I know you control Ed Sullivan’s old time slot, but you’re going to have to pay cash for that scarf”. In fact, Hughley’s so rich, at this point, he’s just being racist when making jokes about bad credit. After all, his “Original Kings of Comedy” tour grossed over 77 million dollars between the tour and movie. 77 million! I never want to hear a guy who can afford an attack helicopter do a joke about bad credit. Actually, attack helicopters only cost around ten million, so Hughley could afford some thing even more exotic- hell, maybe even the space station, or at least those robot arms that steer it. OK, OK: if he looked into it, the space station and its arms would probably prove too expensive for him, but –the point is– he has so much money he might actually research the cost of a space station. In other words, he has enough money to wonder about purchasing things in outer space. How much does the war in Iraq cost each day- I have no idea, but it might be around 80 million dollars. If the North Pole’s for sale, it could cost 80 million dollars. Think of all the prices you might lookup if you had 80 million dollars. You simply can’t make a joke about bad credit after you’ve studied the price of an oil tanker. Once you’ve even considered buying some thing that orbits earth, you are automatically approved for every possible credit card.