Cartoons and Taps

Not funny Ha Ha

Protesters in Palestine’s Gaza Strip, burn a Danish flag after hearing that caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed were reprinted. The cartoons, which depict Mohammed with a bomb, were originally printed by Danish newspaper, Jyllands-Posten, and have been defended by some European papers as an examination on free speech versus Muslim extremism.

This controversy is obviously forcing people to wonder about the apathy of Europe and the rage of Arab countries, but, my largest question is, how did Palestine, one of the forty poorest countries in the world, have this many Danish flags available for burning? I live in the richest, most diverse country in the world and I haven’t seen a Danish flag since the ’80 Olympics. I wouldn’t even know how to find a Danish flag without borrowing a friend’s computer- if Denmark pissed me off, I’d probably start a riot in little Italy after burning the wrong flag. Apparently radical Muslims must, besides abstaining from liquor and praying daily, become experts in world maps. My protest against Denmark, by contrast, would just involve igniting the first photograph I find with a windmill in it.

PBR me, ASAP!

Laminar Technologies has begun selling their Turbo Tap invention to residential consumers. The device, which attaches to normal beer taps, pours “perfect pints” in under two seconds.

Clearly, Turbo Tap has an obvious advantage to places like Wrigley Field, where they serve thousands of customers, but, what home user needs to pour a ‘six pack’ in under 12 seconds? When I’m drinking, I typically find myself arguing how many ‘knees’ a flamingo has or some other stupid fact- I can probably afford the thirty second downtime of a normal pour. In fact, that delay is usually, along with shuffling cards and reaching to the next table for more ketchup, the healthiest part of my evening. I would love to see the itinerary of a man, so stretched for time, that he can’t bear the layoff of a conventional tap:

“Look, as a small business owner and single parent, I’ve only got about two minutes, each morning, to get drunk before taking the kids to school- and I need a keg that can keep up with my busy schedule”