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Purple Heart Poindexters
“When the Atlanta Braves call offering pitching, hang up the phone”
–baseball adage (since the Braves are always perfect in evaluating pitching)
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“When a political party runs a war hero, hang up the phone”
–Sean Flannery (drunkenly proclaimed after Bob Dole looses in landslide)
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Folks, this election is pretty important to me. If McCain looses (and he now trails by double digits in the latests polls), my off-handed argument at some bar in 1996 will finally be validated! That notion, which I immediately named “The Duty Contestant Theory” after recognizing its importance, is that war heroes are chosen by their parities in a moment of emotional panic after loosing the previous election. Consequently, these candidates –these Purple Heart Poindexters– are ignored by everyone, like a new boyfriend chosen right after a bad breakup They simply complete a cycle, without any one even learning their name (NOTE: I wrecked my car after, not before, developing the Duty Contestant Theory, so the incident with Osbourne Towing and the Stow Police Department, should not be used to dismiss this argument).
(click for full size)
ADDENDUM: as you can see, the Republicans are violating the cycle’s natural steps by submitting a Poindexter four years too early. This is –presumably– because there are no competent politicians available within the Bush administration, thus the Republicans had to skip a step; which means, in 2016 after 8 years of Obama, the Republicans are going to blow the roof off this cycle with the hottest candidate you have ever seen. I fully expect it to be a female actress with at least four frontal nudity scenes under her belt. She will win in a landslide.
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ADDENDUM: as you can see, the Republicans are violating the cycle’s natural steps by submitting a Poindexter four years too early. This is –presumably– because there are no competent politicians available within the Bush administration, thus the Republicans had to skip a step; which means, in 2016 after 8 years of Obama, the Republicans are going to blow the roof off this cycle with the hottest candidate you have ever seen. I fully expect it to be a female actress with at least four frontal nudity scenes under her belt. She will win in a landslide.
