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The low hanging, massive jumbo tron at the Dallas Cowboys’ new stadium was hit by a punt last night. Tennessee coach Jeff Fisher (who’s punter hit the jumbo tron) said the giant video screen could be a problem on punts.

Dallas owner Jerry Jones was hilariously dismissive of the problem (from the AP report):

“If your desire is to punt the ball straight up and hard, I can do that,” Jones said, according to the Dallas Morning News. “The height that we’ve got it wouldn’t [affect] normal kicks unless somebody just wanted to hit it.”

By rule in football, the play is ruled dead if a punt hits some thing above the field of play. The down is then re-played, meaning, Jones is not being far sighted if he does not see a possible problem.

Here is my list of inventive ways to use this new jumbo tron to your team’s advantage:

• Tired defense? Has your defense been on the field the whole game and now, after another three-and-out series by the offense, you’re worried about their stamina? Well, give them a rest by having your punter hit the scoreboard 20 times in a row.

• Screwed by a NFL ruling? Has the NFL recently ruled against your franchise in, say, a salary cap dispute? Then there’s no better way to get back at them than turning a prime time game against American’s team into a seven hour marathon where networks will have no chances to run commercials. Tell your punter to hit the scoreboard, on purpose, for two straight hours.

• Worried a fake punt won’t catch the defense by surprise? It will if you hit the jumbo tron for 17 straight attempts and then, out of no where, just have the long snapper run it up the middle on attempt 18.

• About to be sacked? Have your quarterback throw it straight up at the jumbo tron. They can’t call “intentional grounding”, if you’ve thrown it straight up, right?

4 Responses

1. Anonymous Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 2:16 pm

   nice plagarism

2. Sean Flannery Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 6:44 pm

   Anonymous- I’m going to have to insist you use the proper terms here. Stand up comedy has not reached a level of sophistication where we throw around words like “plagarism” (SIC). Instead, we accuse each other of “joke stealing”. We have no ‘ism’s in comedy. You should, instead, be saying, “nice steal”.

   That said, thank you for reading. And, yes, it was completly stolen. I found this separate Sean Flannery who writes for several other sites and, lifted –word for word– his jokes. I figure, given that we have the same names and also claim to host the same sports show- no one will ever be able to prove which Sean Flannery came up with the idea first!

   I’m going to make millions off this guy.

   …separate note: thank you for my first ever use of “SIC”. I’m not going to provide a peak behind the curtain (to let you know if I recognized that as a misspelling by msyelf, or –instead– if I only found out after the spell checker highlighted it when quoting you). Thus, you will be continually wondering if I’m smartier than you!!

   (OK, it was the spell checker)

3. Andy Lurie Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 6:47 pm

   Any visiting punter that doesn’t attempt to shame the Cowboys should be cut. Plain and simple. Hit the damn thing in warmups. Hit it during the game. Often. (I love your “How to rest your defense” plan.) Plus, considering the Cowboy’s recent history with unstructurally sound facilities, what’s the over/under on how long it takes for that thing to fall and kill an entire line of scrimmage. Not “kill the play”. I mean, kill them to death.

4. Stephen Udycz Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 6:47 pm

   They should make another rule…intentionally hitting the jumbotron.

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