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The hardest I ever laughed was when a priest used the phrase “spilling your own seed”,
instead of “masturbation”. He was preparing my fifth grade class for our first confession
of the year by suggesting sins we may need to confess to. I started laughing like a
Warner Brothers cartoon, falling out of my desk and howling as my hands slapped my sides.
The priest –still before the entire class, infuriated– banned me from ever working a funeral
again (I was an altar boy). “We can not have people who laugh at any
random thing in front of grieving families!”.
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August 26th, 2009 at 8:21 am
To this day, I think the sight of an altar boy loosing it at
some ridiculous, Old Testament passage –in the middle of a funeral– would be hilarious.
NOTE TO SELF: call lawyer. Amend will to all but guarantee the altar boy looses it during my funeral (find alter boy least capable of keeping a straight face- have him work the ceremony; read only passages from the
Old Testament that involve giant, talking whales; or gay towns- anything that will make fifth grader laugh)
September 4th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
bahahahahhaahhhaa!!!!!!
September 4th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
there was that bit about Moses tying his ass to a tree and walking 3 miles.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Sean, I was also an altar boy and remember the best part of working a funeral was getting tipped by whoever the head of the family was. Although weddings were more profitable. Was it the same for you?
September 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Yes – I too was an altar boy for weddings & funerals. I was always tipped for weddings, not so for funerals.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I was never given the chance to work a funeral, due to my inability to keep a straight face, but I did work weddings, and, yes, the tips were cool. Friends (who worked funerals) told me you didn’t get tips during them, which made my ban pretty easy to swallow.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
i almost fell out of my chair listening to this