Jessica, my wife, comes from a fairly stable, financially successful area. I
think she is reminded (daily) about the weird, chaotic turn she took
when marrying me.
BACKGROUND INFO: I host a sports comedy show. About
three years ago, two comedians joined us on the show: Mike Burns and John Leadley (*). Mike
used the phrase, “slammable dick caves” when wondering what young men might now call
single women. “Slammable dick caves” might be the least expected combination of words
I have ever encountered and I absolutely lost it.
One thing lead to another; we were all laughing; and,
the next thing you know, I have registered ”
SlammableDickCaves.com” for Mike, on the air.
I did not realize it while registering the site, but apparently I setup SlammableDickCaves.com to auto-renew
itself every year, on my credit card.
The other day, Jessica received a curious, almost-blank letter with the rest of our mail, stating,
“IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR DOMAIN“. She opened it. Inside,
Sean Flannery- $14.00 / yr . . . SLAMMABLEDICKCAVES.COM
It then explained that her husband would continue to be the proud owner of SlammableDickCaves.com for another
Even the mail reminds her that her life will never be normal again.
‡ Endnotes ‡
Mike Burns: myspace.com/mikeburnsmikeburns
John Leadley: myspace.com/80sclown
(both are hilarious)
(Jessica actually did not find out about SlammableDickCaves for the first time
this week- she just received the latest bill. She found out about it for the first time,
when we arrived home from our honey moon and it was waiting for us in a pile of mail. Meaning, one of the
first letters she received about her husband is that he owns SlammableDickCaves.com … …
I registered the domain almost exactly a year before our wedding day –off pure chance– so this
stuff always arrives at the same time… …some men receive reminders, from jewelry stores, that their
anniversary is approaching. I get an email, two weeks in advance,
from SlammableDickCaves.com, saying it needs to be renewed [†])
They now warn: you should never put embarrassing information on facebook or
myspace, because employers use these sites to screen job candidates. What will they say
when, in the course of their background check, they discover that I am the owner of
I do not want to live in a country where the owner of SlammableDickCaves.com can not
get a job.
My favorite part of the experience was: we (on the show) are such idiots, that we
–some how– were
flabbergasted that SlammableDickCaves.com was still available. We couldn’t understand
how some one else didn’t already snatch it, like it was a free parking spot in
front of The Empire State Building. “How is it still available?”, we asked, as though
it were a perfect fit for a local entrepreneur. In truth, I don’t think even a
pronographer could use SlammableDickCaves.com, it is so weird.
[†] Not that I need help remembering my anniversary… …I am also VERY
lucky to have my wife- who I love; and who reads this blog daily; and who
puts up with (and laughs about) these ridiculous business ventures, like